Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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