that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
me + whiskey = a bad person
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
