dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
