she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
