Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
