i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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