come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
