alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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