hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
