Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
