our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
