Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize