How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
