Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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