I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
