I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
