u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
