omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
