eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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