Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
