Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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