Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
