Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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