Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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