Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Couch. On fire.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
