On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
