There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
