So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
