i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
two words...techno handjob
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These tits shall not be calmed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
