You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
