My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
