sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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