Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
