just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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