dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
