I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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