Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
