If that was your dad, he is hot
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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