i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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