My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
