When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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