True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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