If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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