my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
