you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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