I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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