I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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