yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
