I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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