So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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