I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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