Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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