We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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