There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
