Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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