If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
