I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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