you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
