What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
