If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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