He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
